The Power of Three Minutes
By Beth Gross
I was floored by the deep issues that surfaced in three minutes . . .
During the third week of April, Jonathan Edwards led a group of Questers in pursuit of better listening skills. He taught the principles of listening skills, demonstrated with a brave volunteer and then set us loose in groups of three to practice them. In every group, each Quester had 3 (or 4) minutes to share while another Quester practiced the listening skills and a third evaluated. I was floored by the deep issues that surfaced in three minutes.
It made me wonder why we don't see more of that kind of sharing in our casual conversations. Maybe some of it can be attributed to the urgency of the time limit or the preparation of the participants.
But, I think some things we learned about active listening are transferable to everyday interactions.
1. Freedom to choose. Our group found if we left the field wide open, others were more likely to share below the surface. Instead of greeting someone with "How's the wife and kids?" we could say "What's on your mind?"
2. Be quiet. Too often in conversations, someone's sharing triggers the memory of an experience or story. When it's our turn to speak, we jump in with our two cents, the conversation takes a turn and the opportunity to hear someone's heart is missed. Instead, we could recap what they have said, ask for more information or ask about the emotions involved.
3. Avoid advice and solutions. Sometimes a person's greatest need is just to be heard. Resisting the urge to "be a fixer" allows another the chance to continue telling his story. Affirming the difficulty of a struggle and the emotions involved can in itself bring healing. At that point, the story-teller might be ready to look for solutions.
A lot can happen in three minutes. Let's listen for it.
After attending the Quest conference in April, Beth Gross who serves in Puebla, MEXICO wrote the above article
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